Chapstick
by Yunnora Lovespell
Summary: Leela, Amy and Hermes stop by Fry and Bender's place to find the two loveable idiots being, well, idiots. A little Fender with a pinch of Lamy.


Hey guys. So this is my first Futurama fic. Just a one shot I felt like writing on the fly. I had fun writing it. Yeah so there's some robosexual-esque stuff in here so you've been warned. Nothing serious, just something fluffy and light. Hope you guys like it. :) A little Fender and a little Lamy. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot-less plot.

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><p>The moment she stepped through the threshold into Fry and Bender's shared apartment, Taraunga Leela knew she should have just stayed home. From behind her violet hair the mutant spied the two in question, jaw hanging wide and her hand gripping the strap of her purse in a mighty death grip. The two behind her simply gawked, adjusting their glasses and compact to assure themselves of what they were actually seeing. Leela groaned, slapping her palm over her one larger than life eye. "Oh Lord."<p>

The pretty Asian to her right made a disgruntled noise, her short nose scrunching in disgust. "Splech. They're at it again."

"Sweet mango of Fandango!" A suite case was dropped, spilling its organized contents all over the ground and right on top of Hermes Conrad's polished shoes. "What the heck are those two doing?!"

Leela stepped towards the bureaucrat and sat her hand on his shoulder. "Don't mind them Hermes. Just a couple of idiots being idiots."

Across the room sat the red-headed delivery boy and his metal companion, locked dead in a stare. The human narrowed his eyes and the bionic burglar of the thirty first century narrowed his optical lenses. Neither seemed willing to back down from whatever hijinks they were currently involved in. From what Leela could tell it had to be a Slurm drinking contest. The sea of cans littering the ground told her so. Joining the aluminum cans of ultimate grossness were a scatter of Löbrau bottles, some up right and others knocked and leaking precious low brow alcohol.

Shaking her head Leela stepped up to the plate and knocked the two males back to earth with a solid punch to both their heads. Fry was the first to jump, slapping his hands over the spot her rock hard fist had connected with.

"OUCH! What the hell was that for?!" Bender howled.

"Hmph." The purple haired mutant cocked her head, dropping a manicured hand to her hip. "Are you aware of what time it is?"

"I'unno." Fry shrugged, rubbing the side of his head. "Has anyone told you your fists are like ham hawks?"

Leela suppressed a growl and crossed her arms, reminding herself of Fry's… abundant specialties. "You've been binge drinking Slurm again haven't you?"

"W-what! Who me?" The red-head chuckled nervously before blowing out a sigh and slumping back into his chair. He saw no point in lying. He was a bad liar anyways. "I wonder what gave it away."

"Well you are glowing like a nuclear bomb." Amy piped.

"Oh." Fry glanced down at his person looking almost surprised to see that it was in fact aglow and not in a good way either.

Leela rolled her eye. "And you-" She pointed to Bender, her one eye widening in shock. "You filthy stinking abstainer. You're sober aren't you?"

Bender gasped, barely registering the dent on the side of his canister shaped head. "You can't prove anything!" He pointed but just off kilter of Leela.

"Then what's with all the bottles and junk?" Amy asked, bending down to pick up one of the bottles with her thumb and forefinger. The contents of the day old beer sloshed about in its container, eliciting a look of disgust from the Martian girl.

"And this is where I take my leave." Said Hermes. Fry plus bender always equaled trouble; the likes of which he was happy to avoid at all cost. "I'll just leave these documents for you two to sign." The Rastafarian smiled, extracting two sheets of paper- no doubt of the legal variety.

Fry quirked a brow. "How come?"

"Oh it's nothing important." Hermes assured, clearing his throat as he turned and headed straight for the door. "Just some official notices about change in company policy. You know, cut backs on 401k plans and such." He sat the papers on a table nearest to him and took his hat back from the hat rack. "I'll be back later for them."

Leela sighed, watching the Rastafarian leave just as quickly as he had come. She didn't blame him for second though. It was hard for anyone to stomach Fry and Bender's apartment. How she managed it alone was beyond her. Looking over her shoulder to Amy she grimaced at the look of irritation painted over co-worker's face. Apparently the Wong heiress didn't like having to wait for her answers. Shockingly this didn't surprise Leela in the slightest.

"Alright you two it's time to fess up." Leela tapped her head boot on the ground. "What have you two been doing all day exactly?" When the two looked at her blankly she really had to hold back the urge to punch the stupid out of them. "Ugh. Fry why are you glowing and why on earth is Bender sober? You know how badly not drinking affects his system!"

The red-head swallowed hard, grinning while rubbing the back of his head and coincidently the spot she hit. "Well uh you see we were at the mall and there was this stand and well, you know how it goes."

Leela narrowed her eye. "Let me guess. You saw the advertisement for Slurm's newest product and took part in some asinine idea Bender cooked up, leading you both to getting kicked out of the mall. So you came straight home where you proceeded to act like idiots and drink yourselves into a stupor. Or not drink. Whichever is applicable."

Bender moaned as his head fell on the table with an audible THUNK.

"You guys are so immature." Amy remarked.

Fry huffed, crossing his arms and speaking in a defensive tone. "Shows what you know. No, we did not get kicked out of the mall. We were escorted than you very much." He corrected. "Anyways Bender said I was a Slurm addict! I only did what any other normal, mature man my age would do." He leaned back in his seat, burping as he did so, crossing his arms behind his head. "I challenged him."

The mutant shook her head and kicked up a seat between the two males. She plucked one of the Slurm cans up and peered into the open container. "Well that explains the smell of stupid permeating the room but Bender you should know better." She flashed a look at the bending unit who rubbed at the rust around his mouth plate. "What's your excuse _Mr. Sobriety_?"

"Don't you call me that!" Bender howled, throwing out his arms to catch Leela by the neck but instead toppled over his own foot cups.

A couple comical steps later and he collapsed to the ground with a heavy thud. His compartment popped open when he rolled on his back, releasing a puff of smoke into the air.

"Also we were using Bender as a hookah." Fry admitted a little too late.

"Ooh, cool. Can I try?" Amy asked.

"Sure." Fry reached to the ground and picked up one of the hoses hooked to Bender's ass and held it up for Amy to see.

After cleaning the mouth piece Amy took her hit, coughing hard and nearly doubling over in the process. "BLEH! That tasted like liquor."

"It is liquor, mixed with some of the smoke from Bender's cigar."

"But Fry you don't smoke a cig- you know what? No." Leela crossed her arms. "There are only so many times I can sigh in a day." She sighed one last time, dropping her chin onto her arms. "You two are eventually going to get your butts kicked and one day you'll be mourning the fact that it's not _my_ boot whooping _your_ fannies."

Fry rolled his eyes. "Stop patronizing us Leela. We're grown adults. We can do whatever we want so stop mothering us."

The purple haired mutant scoffed. "Oh please. If you didn't have me to nag you around you'd be neck deep in tar."

"I apologized for that!" Fry cried, pointing an accusing finger at her. "You just don't know how to let things go."

She slapped her forehead. There was also so much of Fry she could handle in a day and it seemed as though throughout the few short minutes of her visit he was laying it on thick. _And he wonders why I keep rejecting his dinner invitations, _she hummed sardonically to herself.

Amy Wong yawned into her manicured hand, peering down at her sparkly yellow nails. She and Leela had gotten their hair and nails done just before heading out to dinner. Their spontaneous visit to Fry and Bender's apartment had put a damper on their night and was proving to be a bore, just as she had predicted. The heiress had hoped her alone time with the space captain would ease the tension between them. They hadn't gotten along since Leela came to work for Planet Express but really Amy had no qualms with her. In fact she liked the mutant woman. Where Leela got the idea that Amy despised her was beyond her realm of thinking. It was Amy's idea they go out for some girl time and everything was going fine until they ran into Hermes back at the office. Then he had to go and bring up that dope head Fry and get Leela all worked up over nothing. Spleesh.

"Uh Leela we better get going if we want to make our dinner reservations at Elzar's." She said, flicking her wrist to check the time on her digital wrist watch.

Everything looked fine from what she could see, so really she saw no point in staying any longer than she had to. Besides, they were already ten minutes late.

Leela stood and adjusted her purse strap. "You're right we should head out. I just wanted to come by and see how these two were doing. Obviously that was a mistake." She said, missing Amy's I-told-you-so expression. "Now you two need to stay out of trouble." She said pointing at Fry who slouched back and smiled nervously. "And for the love of Gilgamesh get some alcohol in that robot pronto!" She walked towards the door and waited for the reinforced steel to rise automatically. "I mean it Fry. Don't go letting him out until he's had two quart sized beverages. I suggest a lager for how un-inebriated he is."

Fry merely shrugged. "M'kay."

Amy went first and soon Leela disappeared into the hall of printed zeros and ones, leaving Fry and Bender to their asinine game. The red-head turned to his robotic friend and knelt beside him, his green glowing face shinning bright in Bender's optical lenses.

"How you doin' buddy?"

"I'll win this bet." Bender slurred, throwing his hand over his eye plate. "I'll show you who's the greatest."

Fry laughed sitting Indian style beside him. "We'll just see about that."

Bender glared at him but made no move to correct him. Instead he just lay there, staring up at the paint chipped ceiling. Their bet wasn't over just yet. Once Fry was chalk full of Slurm he had to quit the stuff cold turkey, just like Bender had. He knew Fry loved the drink too much to really give it up. He on the other hand couldn't bear the shame if jerk wad over here beat him. Bender was great. Bender was magnificent! No one could out do him.

"Hey Fry get over here!"

When he didn't immediately do as Bender commanded the hapless robot extended his arm, clamping his solid cold digits around the humans arm and dragging him closer. Fry collapsed beside his friend, his glowing lips coming within inches of his roommate's face.

"Bender, don't be so anxious." Fry said, peeling the robot's iron grip from his arm. He sat back and brushed the fallen strands of orange from his eyes.

Bender watched Fry's finger and admired their graceful sway. "Mmrmm."

"Hm?" Fry leaned in closer, his lips just inches from touching Bender's canister shaped head.

The robot suddenly reached up, hooking his arms around the red-head's neck and pulling the unsuspecting human closer. Fry's lips were crushed against Bender's mouth plate and as they shared their spontaneous kiss a gentle spark of electricity reverberated through the two of them. From foot to foot cuff the two males reveled in the chill that tickled down the center of their backs. It wasn't often a human could get Bender so worked up but even in his incredibly sober state of mind he couldn't keep his hands off his favorite meat bag. Their kiss lasted all but a minute, ending in soft dreamy eyes and a glowing green smile.

"Whatcha doin'?" Bender slurred, watching curiously as Fry lifted himself to tower over the automaton.

The red-head smiled. "Just hold still."

Taking hold of Bender's compartment door he knelt forward and touched his lips to the grey curved surface. A glowing lipstick mark in the shape of Fry's lips stuck to the inside of Bender's door, shocking the robot. Fry chuckled in return.

"How did you do-"

"Chapstick." Fry said proudly.

The robot smiled. His meat bag sure has some tricks up his sleeve, no matter how archaic and twentieth century he could be.

That night the two slept on the floor. Fry cuddled close to Bender sometime in the middle of the night, tucking himself into Bender's side. The bending unit's arm came around and clamped the human close, his cool exterior warming from the heat radiating off his- well what would Bender call him? Boyfriend sounded cliché and he still felt an aversion to the term robosexual. Whatever, Bender liked his human and that silly little bundle of bones and flesh was all that really mattered to him anyways. Well, other than booze and larceny but that was beside the point. Before shutting down Bender hugged Fry and watched as the glow slowly started to fade from his face. His eye plate fell over his optical lenses but just before his autopilot took over he snapped a mental picture of Fry's serene face and stored it into his memory bank. It was the same face he awoke to in the morning and the very same he fell asleep to while admiring.


End file.
